


Running Man: Bang!(tan)

by NaraMerald



Series: Bangtan Sonyeodan [5]
Category: K-pop, Running Man RPF, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alien! V, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always a girl! Jin, Always a girl! Suga, Always a girl! V, Arrogant! Jaesuk, Arrogant! Kim Jong Kook, Awkward! Gary, BTS' forgotten 4Minute phase, Bangtan Mother! Jin, Charge! V, Commander! Kim Jong Kook, Crazy like a fox! V, Crush on Kim Jong Kook! Author, Crush on Kim Jong Kook! Jin & V, Cunning! Jin, Delighted! Jihyo, Dramatic! Ha Ha, Dumb&Dumber Bros! Rapmon & Kwangsoo, Excited Kid! Jungkook, Generally useless! Sukjin, Hot issue, How could I be out first?! Jaesuk, Nara Shikamaru! Suga, Pitiful laughing stock! Kwang Soo, Rapid mood swings! J-Hope, Simba! Jungkook, Softy! Jin, Swearing, references to adult concepts and content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4481777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/pseuds/NaraMerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How would BTS change if they were a co-ed group?<br/>Or: BTS do a Trouble Maker inspired sexy concept, and go on Running Man. Seokjin and Sukjin are not a winning combination. Or are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Man: Bang!(tan)

**Author's Note:**

> A play on Ji Sukjin’s attempt to be cool in the first episode by saying “Running Man: Bang!” 
> 
> I loved Running Man before BTS released ‘No More Dreams’ (I’m a NMD era fan!) and I really want to see them on RM!
> 
> Okay this took forever and ended up at over 14,000 words. Gyah! The planning was so hard to do the concept justice. (My friends and I have actually played a few Running Man games ourselves. I am Race Start ☹) Acknowledgements to Legs Akimbo who proofed this and gave ideas (such as how to run the actual games.) I gave this fic my best! Nara, Hwaiting!
> 
> You’ll probably want the [water game wrestling visual](http://naramerald.tumblr.com/post/125669224321/rapmoon-4-eva-running-man-bangtan-fic-visuals) in advance. Other visuals direct linked on my profile. 
> 
> My (non-existent) Korean sucks so tell me if I made mistakes. For later reference (because I’m trying (too hard?) to be funny):  
> Kwang = fail (RapKwang)  
> 2 = pronounced “ee” / “ie” like B2ST and Dok2 (Kook2)
> 
> I’m going to be a pain here- please remember the spelling so you know who is who:  
> Sukjin/ Ji Sukjin = RM  
> Seokjin /Jin / Kim Seokjin = BTS  
> Jong Kook / Kim Jong Kook = RM  
> Jungkook / Jeongguk / Jeon Jeongguk = BTS
> 
> The Running Man team:  
> Yoo Jaesuk  
> Kim Jong Kook  
> Ji Sukjin  
> Song Jihyo  
> Kang Gary  
> Lee Kwang Soo  
> Ha Ha/ Ha Dong Hoon  
> (Kwon Ryul = Jaesuk’s camera man, Dong Wan FD = Running Man floor director who often cameos in ridiculous costumes)
> 
> BTS:  
> Kim Namjoon / Rap Monster  
> Kim Seokjin / Jin  
> Min Yoongi / Suga  
> Jung Hoseok / J-Hope (Hobi)  
> Park Jimin / Jimin (Chim chim)  
> Kim Taehyung / V (Tae Tae)  
> Jeon Jeongguk / Jung Kook (Kookie)
> 
> Last notes- formatting:  
> Normal story. (Normal story, often people’s side thoughts or elaborations)  
>  _[Running Man TV broadcast]_

As much as they were looking forward to the other promised fans’ 5 ‘rewards’ for their music show wins, the maknae line were thrilled to bits when Manager-nim announced that one of them was that Bangtan finally made it on to Running Man. Yoongi growled something that sounded vaguely like “troublesome”; Hoseok looked like his adrenaline rush was so extreme he wasn’t sure whether to start screaming in joy or be violently ill. 

Namjoon was cautiously keyed up. Jimin looked like he was about to start crying in joy. Taehyung was already making crazy plans, hoping she was paired with Kim Jong Kook and picturing herself riding into battle on the shoulders of the Kim Jong Kook tank, aiming his strength wherever she wanted to shoot. Jeongguk had that starry eyed “too young to think this is anything but AWESOME!” look he sometimes got when he wasn’t pretending to be older than he really was. 

Seokjin? Seokjin felt terrified. 

 

… 

 

Over the next few days, those feelings did not abate. Taehyung had fully evolved her Running Man fantasy, already threatening them all with Kim Jong Kook; Jimin attempted to fight her with Jeon Jeongguk, who for once was so excited he played along. Taehyung pulled out her tried and tested “go for the legs” move, launching herself for Jimin’s knees and toppling him over and pouncing. Then the Maknae line hyped each other up like puppies, practically growling, and wrestling with each other (Seokjin had drawn the line when there was actual biting and sent them to their rooms for quiet time out.)

Namjoon was obsessively watching old Running Man episodes and strategizing, Hoseok often sitting next to him alternatively grinning in anticipation and sitting silent, vaguely petrified. 

Yoongi, aside from commenting about Ace Jihyo and laughingly mentioning a bond with Blank Jihyo, just seemed content to try and slide into the background on this one. And Seokjin? Seokjin wondered what the hell she was going to do on Running Man. 

See, she’d listened to Namjoon’s dissertations- she’d seen the episodes and heard Maknae line chortle and gasp over the Running Men, famous globally. The main problem was this- if you were on Running Man, you had to fit a particular character stereotype to win the fans over. The second problem, as Yoongi had mentioned several (thousand) times, was there were considerably less successful stereotypes for women. 

A man could be capable, a flower boy, ditzy, dumb, strong, cunning, ruthless, weak, tactical, a tank, a charmer, a heart throb, a comedian. A woman could be ace (but really, that was pretty much only Jihyo), fierce (Lee Hyori, wow), cute or melt quietly into the background. 

Yoongi was known for her sleepiness, as well as her grumpiness as well as her swag. Even if she didn’t do much but grumble and nap, she’d be relatively okay because it was in character for her but also something new for Running Man. Taehyung was likely to be adored for her randomness and energy. Namjoon was likely to be accidental comedy gold, Jeongguk was so cute and earnest he couldn’t go wrong, Jimin was so enthusiastic and hardworking that even his greasy charisma would pull off well. If Hoseok could show off his dancing, he’d be set, and his enthusiasm would endear him to the world. 

Unfortunately Seokjin, the “girly” one, the “graceful” one, was the issue. Those kinds of girls were boring on Running Man. They disappeared, were unmemorable. As Yoongi had often ranted, they were made into angels and they ascended right into boring town, like that time Hyuna and Suzy had been on Running Man. Honestly, Seokjin hadn’t even remembered anything but that some idol girls were on it and the best part aside from Kim Jong Kook being Kim Jong Kook was that someone was trapped on a ride and screamed non-stop (It wasn’t one of the ‘angels’). 

So how did Kim Seokjin pull off being an entertaining guest, without resorting to body gags, stupidity, or bitchiness?

 

… 

 

All BTS talked about was Running Man. Seokjin was still at a loss of how to carry herself, and was heartily sick of the others strategizing multiple scenarios where she offered nothing but shitty seduction. She never showed it but it both vaguely offended and concerned her that apparently that was all she offered.

“And then Seokjin-noona will be all ‘Do me Jong Kook-sshi!’ (because everyone knows Kim Jong Kook is a sucker for ladies) and his cheeks’ll turn pink and-”

“Uh, Jimin, you know that’s post-production editing, right? They artificially colour their cheeks in…” Yoongi sounds like she’s seriously unsure if Jimin is aware of this. 

“Not the point Noona!” Jimin declares, pouting cutely at Yoongi who looks unimpressed but tolerates him as always. She’s always had a soft spot for Park Jimin, just like Seokjin secretly favours Jeongguk and Hoseok adores Taehyung. 

Seokjin wanders into the kitchen instead, trying to find some semblance of sanity. She likes the methodical, calm process of cooking, of creating something delicious. She dabbles in recipe creation, but loves the consistency of being able to follow a series of steps. Being able to provide for the others makes her feel useful in a group who are all more talented than her. But today the kitchen is not a space of safety or sanity; like everything else lately, the kitchen is filled with the talk of Running Man.

“Ah, Noona, we were just discussing the traitors! You have to watch out for Ji Sukjin because he’ll betray anyone. Kwang Soo is a betrayer as well, and Ha Ha would sell his soul to survive another minute!” Namjoon begins, looking faintly perplexed as to why Seokjin simply about-faces and walks into the girls’ dorm for some peace and quiet.

It is not to be.

“One thing I have going for me,” Taehyung confides in Seokjin as she rests on the edge of her bed, “is that people will underestimate me. They’ll look at Kim Jong Kook and think Sparta, but then I’ll just attack full throttle and plow right into them with MAXIMUM ENTHUSIASM!” she finishes on a shout. Seokjin covers her ears, wincing, and thinks that at least the BTS team will be determined. BTS seem to oscillate between assuming they’ll be grouped amongst the Running Men, or be a team of BTS v Running Men. The numbers do seem to be awfully convenient… 

BTS v Running Man means they’re outclassed on nearly every front- Jimin should be good for muscles, but against fully grown men it was hardly fair… Namjoon has the book smarts but according to the last three weeks worth of random Running Man facts, ‘The Commander’ had war game strategy. 

If they’re paired with the Running Men, Seokjin prays she will be with Yoo Jae Suk. At least Jae Suk-sshi is well known for helping to elevate his guests even when they aren’t naturally very funny or interesting. Seokjin summons all her patience and listens to Tae continue, plastering a smile on her face. What will be, will be.

… 

 

Finally the day arrives and Namjoon has to basically alpha command the maknae line to hold still enough for hair and makeup. It’s 5:30am and she thinks Yoongi may actually be sleeping through the whole makeup process. 

“IF YOU DON’T SIT RIGHT NOW BTS WILL GO AS A FOUR MEMBER GROUP!” Namjoon thunders at the maknae line, to identical looks of horror, outrage and devastation. This holds them for at least one third of the bus ride, before they start whispering and giggling at the back again. 

Seokjin would feel more understanding of their excitement if they hadn’t been up the wall for a straight week. She’d been ready to pull her hair out, and if she touches it now, the coordi-unnis will kill her.

They’re back in their sexy concept outfits because it’s been their biggest hit yet, and their most famous, though thankfully they’re wearing a subdued, less revealing version as they’re on family TV. They thankfully avoid the trampolining stage that Seokjin half worried they’d get, in favour of a rising stage. (Not in these heels.) 

They do a quick intro run through, which is quite odd because it’s a put together outside stage in a space in Jungnan-gu, and Seokjin’s not used to performing in such bright sunshine. She bets their ‘seductive’ costuming looks ridiculous at 10:00am in the morning, as they take a last drink and then prepare for Running Man’s arrival. 

In her position with Hoseok under the stage, Seokjin pulls her hemline down again and can’t wait for when they have to put on their actual Running Man outfits; at least it can’t be worse than this dress, as attractive as it often looks on her. (Seokjin always loved dressing up and getting pretty, but since becoming an idol, she’s learnt to savour dressing down. Not wearing makeup has started to become a genuine treat.)

Finally, they line up and the staff direct them to their places. They hear the Running Men arrive, and now Seokjin sees Jimin’s abject excitement has done a sudden 180 and he’s freaking out. 

It’s too late to do anything- they have their final cue and Hoseok quickly holds his hand up for their usual partner high five routine before the song and she slaps his hand. The platforms begin to rise, the opening notes of their track blaring out and she can hear Jihyo’s “Oh my god!” like she recognises the song, their song, holy shit, and then they’re on. 

It’s blinding, quite literally. Seokjin’s relieved the producers had the sense to play a few bars of the pre-chorus before the chorus because she can’t see anything and blinks quickly to make sure she’s not about to fall off of the edge of the stage (and really, that’s happened to a few of them already and she’s not keen for it to happen to her). By the time the Chorus kicks in they’ve all recovered enough that they’re on point, everyone grinning blindingly (even though they’re supposed to be sexy, this is a fun stage). 

Kim Jong Kook’s face is surprised, like he hasn’t seen their sexy choreo, and Ha Ha is screaming “Wow!” and Song Jihyo is jumping up and down like she’s excited. Ji Sukjin clearly doesn’t know them, and is just clapping along, but that’s all she can make out before the chorus ends and Hoseok tips her back into a drop pose. 

“Wow, wow…” Yoo Jaesuk is telling the cameras. 

“BTS!” Jihyo claps, like she’s excited. Seokjin’s heart is about to burst and she can see Hoseok’s blinding smile. She hopes he doesn’t get so excited he drops her. 

They slowly come back out of their poses and Namjoon strides forward to greet them. They introduce themselves as a group and they’re 100% in sync, (they’d want to be, Seokjin mentally scowls, they’d had to spend half a day on bowing together alone). 

“BTS Imnida!” they chorus, and Jihyo is clapping in excitement. (Seokjin’s seen her stuff, and she doesn’t think she’s quite a good enough actor to pull off faking this.)

There’s some small talk that Seokjin misses half off, because she’s standing right on the end and they’re facing away from her. She just follows their cues and claps when the others clap. Luckily, Taehyung’s next to her, so when she notices the telltale fidgeting build up she laces their hands together to calm her down. 

Part way through, there’s some commotion as it seems Kwang Soo is trying to move down the line closer to BTS, but is unceremoniously blocked by every other Running Man. Seokjin snickers a little, even though it’s their regular routine. 

Finally, the PD hands Yoo Jae Suk a new card and they gather in as he loudly announces their pairings. 

“First up… Gary and Suga!” Yoo Jae Suk announces, and everyone claps politely. Yoongi, looking vaguely surprised, walks to stand next to Gary. 

“Next pairing… Kwang Soo and …” Yoo Jae Suk begins. The camera zooms up into Kwang Soo’s hopeful face and Ha Ha comments loudly “He wants to be with Jin!”

Seokjin’s mind actually blanks out at the thought that Ha Ha knows who she is. Maybe the PDs primed some of them beforehand? She bets the camera is zooming in on her surprised expression, and thinks she’s going to be getting some pink post-production blush too.

“Kwang Soo and Rap Monster!” Yoo Jae Suk announces gleefully and Kwang Soo’s face falls. 

“Ya! Don’t be rude to our guests!” Kim Jong Kook says threateningly, and Seokjin feels Tae twitch in hope. But it’s not to be. 

“Ha Ha and V!” he announces, and while Tae is surely disappointed she didn’t get Kim Jong Kook, she’s excited about being paired with Ha Ha. Seokjin can only imagine the crazy nonsense they’ll get up to together. 

“HaV team!” Ha ha shouts, holding up a hand for a high five, which she bounces over to slap. 

“VHa sounds better,” Namjoon suggests, and they begin a quiet conversation naming the pairings. (They don’t get very creative.) 

“Ji Sukjin and … Kim Seokjin!” Seokjin’s heart falters slightly when she hears their pairing, knowing that realistically at best she’s elevated to exasperated but patient girl and at worst, humorous failure. She moves dutifully over and introduces herself quietly. 

“So polite!” Yoo Jae Suk announces happily. Seokjin can hear Yoongi’s voice in her head ranting about the “angel” female guests and makes a quiet resolution that somehow, SOMEHOW she will drag Ji Sukjin to some level of success. She’s just got to think about how to do it.

“Hyung, swap!” Kwang Soo begs Sukjin loudly, and Seokjin can’t help the actual blush on her cheeks, looking away briefly in embarrassment. She knows it’s part of his act, but he’s very attractive so… 

Luckily they’re distracted from her blush as Ha Ha seems to have decided the teams. He’s dubbed them VHa, Double Jin, Double Ga (Suga and Gary), and Kwang Mon. Kwang Soo tries for Rap Kwang, prompting Gary to laughingly ask him for a demo. Kwang Soo is on the Kim Seokjin level of rapping, which is to say… very terrible. Namjoon looks at him slowly and says “Maybe Kwang Mon is best,” somewhat awkwardly, sending the other Running Men into peels of laughter. 

“He’s just too polite – Rap Kwang is 100% true!” snickers Jae Suk, laughing about Kwang and ‘failure’ being entirely appropriate. 

The next 5 minutes are a demonstration of Rap Line’s skills (thankfully vocal line seem to get a free pass on this one) to which the Running Men ooh and ahh appropriately before they get back to the pairings. 

“Jihyo and Park Jimin!” Jae Suk announces, as Jimin goes bright red and so does Jihyo. She’s apparently actually genuinely excited they’re here and they pause to make Jimin repeat their infamous body roll move. 

“Jihyo looks like she could watch this all day,” Jae Suk comments to the camera, laughing. 

“Hey!” Gary looks over sulkily in her direction, playing up their love line. 

“Jihyo isn’t even looking at him!” snickers Ha Ha to his camera and Tae smirks. 

The last pairings to be announced after ‘Double Ji’ are Hoseok and Jae Suk (“J-Hope and Jae Suk! Double J!”) and surprisingly, Jeongguk and Kim Jong Kook (“Jung Kook and Jong Kook- Double Kook!”)

There’s a few suggestions for Kwang Soo to change his name so they can be Double Mon, and V to change her name as they head on their 20 minute break to get changed. When the girls head into the change rooms, Tae immediately squeals in delight and Yoongi in resignation. 

“I guess we’re playing a water game today,”Jihyo announces as they collect their tops and shorts. Seokjin’s is red, Jihyo’s is purple, Tae’s is green and Yoongi is extraordinarily satisfied that hers is black. Seokjin wonders how this will play out, and then they’re all hustled onto the bus, cameras following them the entire way. 

_[When Bangtan watch the reply of their episode, eyes glued to the screen in excitement, they start whispering so loudly that they can hardly hear anything until Namjoon enforces silence._  
“This is so cool!” Jimin squeals.  
“We were on Running Man,” Jeongguk says in wonder.  
“Man, I wish I’d been paired with Kim Jong Kook…” Tae sighs.  
“SILENCE!”] 

… 

“So,” Yoo Jae Suk announces to the bus, “Let’s get to know each other! Our team will start. I think you already know us, so please introduce yourself- BANGTAN!” 

He turns to Hoseok who stands.  
“Annyong! J-Hope imnida!” 

“Why are you called J-Hope?” Sukjin asks curiously. 

“Because I’m the fans’ hope!” Hoseok grins cheesily into the camera, the smile Seokjin loves on him. Sometimes it feels like he’s this beautiful ray of sunshine and she can’t help but smile in response. 

“Ah, I see.” Jae Suk says gravely. “I too am Running Man fans’ hope,” he continues seriously to the camera, to annoyed exclamations from Kim Jong Kook, Gary and Kwang Soo, the latter of whom tries unsuccessfully to take off his shoe and throw it at Jae Suk. 

“Yah leave it on!” Kim Jong Kook smacks the back of Kwang Soo’s head while he stares resentfully forward, Namjoon snickering beside him. 

“Annyong, Ji Sukjin-sshi,” Seokjin bows to her partner Sukjin, before introducing herself to the camera as BTS’ Jin.” 

“Today is the day of triumph for Double Jin!” Sukjin shouts triumphantly, before cackling into the cameras like a madman. Hearing Seokjin’s silence, he turns back to her, indicating that she cackle evilly too. 

“Um, perhaps later?” she offers uneasily. The bus explodes into laughter as Sukjin mutters a bit. Seokjin hopes the camera doesn’t catch her “This is awkward…” expression, but is pretty sure it gets her grimace perfectly, no doubt to a laughter track when it airs. 

“Why couldn’t I have been with her?” Kwang Soo whines to the camera. 

“Hey, you’re just lucky they haven’t made you the girl!” Ha Ha laughs. 

“You’ve dressed as a girl too?” Taehyung asks laughingly. 

“You are a girl. It’s different,” Kim Jong Kook points out incredulously. 

“He isn’t,” Yoongi points to Namjoon. 

Yoo Jae Suk’s eyes just about bulge out of his head as he raises his eyebrows at the camera. 

“Why did you dress as a girl?” Ha Ha asks curiously. 

“Lost one of our games,” Namjoon sighs, before Hoseok adds “He cosplayed as Sailor Moon.” 

“We’d better not have to do Sailor Moon episode,” Gary mutters quietly to his camera. Yoongi snickers and winks into it, clearly in favour of the concept. 

“You truly know how I feel!” Kwang Soo seems overjoyed and now much more happy to be teamed with Namjoon. 

“Hey, I’ve been a girl too!” Kim Jong Kook reminds Kwang Soo, who blithely ignores him. 

“Haven’t we all,” Jeongguk mutters, to which then comes the admission that even Jimin and Jeongguk have been targeted.

…

_[The show cuts in at this point with a photo of Rap Mon as a rather belligerent looking Sailor Moon comes onto the screen, his cheap looking blonde wig all over the place and white shorts showing beneath the short skirt. Post production notes pointing to ‘Rap Moon’s muscular thighs!!^^’ have been added as well as love hearts floating around him._

_Jungkook and Jimin’s photos flash up on screen, along with Suga’s, who despite being a girl, still looks mightily sour to be trapped in the maid outfit. Despite this, Jimin’s pink maid outfit is clearly worse. Jungkook’s outfit just makes him look odd, and they’ve added sparkles. The caption ‘Most upset!’ is next to Suga, with a laughter track._

_Then the PDs added the footage that was actually shot at the end of the episode; Rap Monster and Kwang Soo exchanging signed photos of each other dressed as girls, before shaking hands and chanting “Rap Kwang!” and “Kwang Mon!” simultaneously to everyone’s snickers.  
Then, they look at each other, trying again and repeat “Kwang Mon!” and “Rap Kwang!”, reversing but still unable to get in sync. Finally they stare at each other awkwardly as Jihyo doubles over in amusement, giant cartoon sweat drops above their heads with the caption “Rap Kwang: The incompetent crossdressers”.]_

…

The cameras pan to the other side of the bus and after they introduce themselves to each other, Jaesuk asks Double Ga why they were put together. 

“Do you think we were put together because we’re short, oppa?” Yoongi asks rather bluntly. 

“What?!” Gary yelps. Seokjin giggles a bit and Kwang Soo grins at her in what she imagines is his attempt at looking clumsily lovesick. 

“Well, I’m trying to work out why we were paired. We’re both rappers, but so is Rap Mon oppa so…” Yoongi offers. 

“Maybe it’s because of our faces? I’m part of the ‘ugly face line’…” Yoongi offers, and Seokjin knows that’s one of their jokes but just really quietly hates it. (She doesn’t think any of them are ugly, but all the boys except Jeongguk are told they’re unusually unattractive for an idol group. She hates it. She hates every time they put her and Jeongguk on this stupid pedestal of looks and insult the rest of them. She hates that they always call her beautiful and talk about how odd and unfeminine TaeTae and Yoongi are.)

“Hey! Are you calling me ugly?” Gary fakes annoyance, and Seokjin pushes her feelings to the side, because she wants to be an actress and her career secretly starts now. Also, she just plain likes the Running Men. 

“You are ugly!” Jaesuk immediately retorts and the whole bus laughs. 

“Maybe it’s because of your aegyo, noona?” Jimin jokes, winking at Yoongi. 

“Aegyo?!” Kwang Soo roars in laughter, picturing Gary and Jihyo starts laughing so hard she’s nearly crying. 

“Aegyo competition!” Ha Ha announces loudly. 

“Can the viewers even handle this?” Jaesuk solemnly asks the camera and Seokjin can’t help herself, she snickers. She’s enjoying the easy camaraderie of the Running Men and being able just chime in easily when it fits.

Yoongi, looking supremely unimpressed (an expression so clear in its intentions it never fails to delight Tae Tae) tilts her head, before slowly smiling cutely so her eyes crinkle. The final touch is bringing her hands up to flicker her fingers under her chin. The overall effect is so cute as to be unnaturally endearing.

“It’s like you just changed into an entirely different person!” mutters Jaesuk, slightly unnerved. 

“Woah,” Kwang Soo comments, as Yoongi lets her cute pose slide back into a quick grimace of distaste, more, Seokjin thinks, for effect than because she’s really upset. Jihyo and Ha Ha are laughing. 

“And now Gary…” Jaesuk announces with a great air of solemnity. Sukjin starts chuckling in anticipation, before anything has even happened yet. 

Gary attempts to mimic Yoongi, tilting his head, stretching his lips out awkwardly (Is that supposed to be a smile?!) and squinting his eyes before waggling his fingers under his chin. Everyone bursts out laughing, Yoongi outright doubling over and gasping her laughter. 

“He looks like a horrifying sea creature,” Jaesuk informs Kwon Ryul with the camera, who is also looking vaguely revolted, and Kim Jong Kook is staring in what looks like offended horror. 

“…sea creature…” snorts Jihyo, waggling her own fingers as Gary finally stops. 

“I don’t think it was aegyo, Suga-noona,” Jimin looks hilariously disturbed and everyone laughs again. 

As the camera moves back, it hits team Double Kook. Jeongguk has mostly been sitting quietly, drinking it all in with his innocent, unguarded expression when Jaesuk turns his gaze on them. 

“And team Double Kook, please introduce yourselves!” 

“Wait… it should be Kook2… Kookie!” grins Gary, to laughter and general agreement, before the camera pans back to Kook2.

“Kim Jong Kook-sshi! Jeon Jeongguk imnida!” Jeongguk’s nose practically grazes the seat in front as he tries to bow quickly to his hyung-nim. 

“Ah… hyung is fine!” Kim Jong Kook actually looks amused by his cute dongsaeng. 

“Okay Hyung-nim!” Jeongguk chirps. (Seokjin can see that they won’t need to make his eyes glow with affection in post production, because it’s clear they don’t need much in the way of special effects to show that Jeongguk absolutely idolises Kim Jong Kook.)

“How old are you?” Jaesuk asks their maknae. 

“19, nearly 20,” Jeongguk answers to choruses of “So young!” from the Running Men. 

“Don’t worry,” Kim Jong Kook grins at him before turning to eye the whole bus, “I’ll teach you how to hunt today!” 

There’s a chorus of dismay and protesting from the Running Men all over the bus, with Taehyung looking immensely jealous, Hoseok vaguely petrified and all of the Running men grumbling and looking wide eyed. Jeongguk of course, is thrilled.

“So… not good then?” Namjoon turns to Kwang Soo stating the obvious, who is busy cowering in his seat. Namjoon just sighs and makes a hilarious face at the camera, a mixture of distaste and resignation. 

When the camera pans to Jimin and Jihyo, Jimin smiles brightly and introduces himself. 

“Park Jimin imnida!” and Jihyo unconsciously claps. 

“You should teach her our latest dance!” Taehyung suggests enthusiastically and Jimin nods rapidly.

“What, Hot Issue?” Jaesuk comments to Sukjin, who laughs.

“Meori buteo palkkeutkkaji HOT ISSUE!” Seokjin instinctively sings along with Tae and Chim Chim as they burst into Hot Issue. (Don’t even start- there’d been that BTS-wide 4Minute phase…) 

“Ho!” add Yoongi and Namjoon loudly. (Seokjin wasn’t kidding about that phase. No one had been immune.)

“Whoa!” Ha Ha grins, and Jihyo gets super excited. 

“Again!” Ha Ha suggests and then suddenly the whole bus is singing and dancing. 

“Meori buteo palkkeutkkaji HOT ISSUE!” Seokjin, Jimin, Tae, and Ha Ha scream. J-Hope and Jaesuk have gotten up slightly and are holding onto the seats trying to dance, Jihyo joining them. 

They’re shouting more than singing, Kwang Soo joining them with such ridiculous, pained passion he looks like he’s in a B-grade movie. Namjoon sings horrifically high pitched as they finish “Nan Hangsang Hot it Hot it Hot it Hot It I I I I I I Issue!” in an array of ridiculous power poses. 

Seokjin knows that they’ll probably add sparkles and label them all flower girls and boys. (She hopes their camaraderie looks every bit as fun as it was at the time.)

Then before they know it, they’ve arrived. 

 

…

 

They pull into a swimming pool complex and Seokjin groans when she sees their first activity. There’s no way Double Jin can win this unless they get awfully lucky. It's the water wrestling game, with the staff helping the floating plastic stay on the water. It’s going to be team v team trying to push each other off the floating wrestling mats. 

When she sees their first match ups, she can’t help but think they have actually been awfully lucky. As there are seven pairs, the two Jins get to sit out and automatically advance to round two. She hears Ha Ha snicker that they need to give Ji Sukjin a rest or his heart might give out, to which Sukjin affects offense. She knows he’s plotting. She also knows that Ji Sukjin being Ji Sukjin, it probably won’t work. 

The first matchups are Tae and Ha Ha versus Jimin and Jihyo, Jeongguk and Jong Kook versus Namjoon and Kwang Soo and finally Hobi and Jaesuk versus Yoongi and Gary. Seokjin uses this time to observe and plan, because with dead weight like Sukjin on her team, she’ll need to strategise to get them anywhere. He wants to win- she just wants to not look ridiculously awful. 

She can’t imagine Tae and Ha Ha winning against Jimin and Jihyo on any normal day, but Tae can be crazy like a fox and she feels like the other team are unprepared for that. (She’s right.) 

Ha Ha begins by suiciding, pelting forward to take out Jimin, who is so startled he doesn’t manage to evade in time. Ha Ha launches them both off and into the pool and Seokjin sees Tae’s fingers all over that proverbial pie. Jimin’s still underwater, before rising up with a gasp, so he doesn’t have time to warn Jihyo that Tae’s shocked and innocent act is just that- an act. While Jihyo, gaping, slightly turns her back to peer at the bubbles where Jimin disappeared, Tae launches forward, arms outstretched both to cushion the impact and ensure that Jihyo hits the water first. Jihyo, seeing the flash of movement, starts to turn back and brace, but she’s too late and Tae’s like a freight train. In the next second a gaping Jihyo is airborne (Tae after her), the onlookers’ jaws are practically hitting the floor but Seokjin notes, Jihyo hits the water first. 

“Win to V-HA!” Jaesuk declares loudly, as Kim Jong Kook claps enthusiastically, Jeongguk’s eyes are like saucers and Namjoon is laughing hysterically. 

The Kook2 fight goes again as one might expect. 

“Watch carefully,” Kim Jong Kook tells Jeongguk, before walking over to Namjoon who puts up a brave but brief fight, picked up 2 seconds into the match and tossed bodily into the water. Jeongguk applauds, amazed and impressed, before Kim Jong Kook, grinning, indicates Jeongguk can try with Kwang Soo. 

“Ya, are you crazy?” Yoo Jae Suk snickers, before turning to the nearest camera and confiding “He’s double his size!” 

Jihyo starts laughing uncontrollably into her camera, still looking like a drowned rat, as Jeongguk, trusting Kim Jong Kook’s word, inches forward dubiously. 

“Hey! Take me seriously!” Kwang Soo rants to Jeongguk, who desperately attempts to pick him up as per Hyung-nim’s orders. Seokjin foresees this going to a bad place, and it does. Literally. Jeongguk, despite his height, is way too short to be able to lift Lee Kwang Soo up and ends up pulling his pants up without the rest of him. Kwang Soo howls in discomfort as Jeongguk faithfully continues to try and lift him, dragging the pants far higher than they have any right to go. 

Ha Ha and Gary practically have tears in their eyes as Yoongi covers her face, shaking her head. 

Kwang Soo finally decides enough is enough, picking Jeongguk up and managing to hoist him over the side. Jeongguk goes over, but Kwang Soo’s so off-balance he’s easy pickings for Kim Jong Kook, and the match ends immediately after, winners, Kook2. 

The last battle is a tricky one, and honestly Seokjin tunes out a bit as it goes on for a while, Gary competent, Yoongi vicious, Jaesuk confident, Hoseok determined. She’s just in time to see Hoseok and Jaesuk overcome Yoongi and Gary, Yoongi rising hilariously from the water like a drowned cat. 

 

_[When they watch it later, Seokjin notices the post-production team have given Yoongi red demon eyes and angry looking squiggles. In real life Seokjin hadn’t noticed Jaesuk’s startled step back, but the broadcast shows it repeatedly with a yelping sound. As Jimin pauses it even further to replay, she notices Yoongi looks a cross between embarrassed, impressed and satisfied at this outcome.]_

 

…

 

The next matchups are again surprisingly favourable. Kook2 goes up against Double J, and that leaves Double Jin against V-Ha. Seokjin knows it’s their only chance. She murmurs quietly to Sukjin. 

“V’s going to rush you. Back away, close to the edge. Look intimidated. Then when she comes, take one clear step to the side and then don’t move. She’ll fly right off past you,” Seokjin informs him, and Sukjin grins arrogantly into the camera. 

“Don’t!” Seokjin scolds him, “You’re intimidated!” and really, Ji Sukjin is one of the worst actors ever, but luckily Tae’s too hyped up and not terribly perceptive. Seokjin nervously hopes he can follow the latter part of her instructions, whispered in front of the camera, but resolves to be ready just in case. She steps gingerly onto the mat, trying to adjust her footing as she goes, and it’s such a weird experience. She’s wobbling all over the place. She would never live it down if she fell off before they even started.

She pushes her nerves back, just like on stage, and waits for the signal. When it comes, Ha Ha begins inching towards her while Sukjin begins inching back. Seokjin deliberately moves out of his range and it’s like that’s the signal. Tae attacks, launching herself with her usual 100% ferocity and Seokjin holds back her smile, waiting to see if her plan will work. At the last minute, on cue, Sukjin steps to the side and surprised, Tae hurtles right past him, flailing around trying to stop the inevitable, and it is inevitable. The splash surprises Ha Ha, who is taken off guard by Sukjin, following her second lot of instructions. 

It’s now time for Sukjin to try and plough through, only Ha Ha manages to evade him, both of them off balance but Sukjin falling in first. 

 

_[The camera does a close up on Seokjin’s resigned, unsurprised face as she steps in and finishes Ha Ha off, giving him the final shove needed to send him into the water. Seokjin is very pleasantly surprised to see herself painted as “The competent Seokjin”.]_

 

Her plan worked a treat, and she sees the Double Kook team laughing while Tae cries about how unfair it all is. 

“You almost had them Tae!” Jimin cheers, and Seokjin wants to roll her eyes but that would be unproductive. Tae is arguing that since Double Jin got a free pass to round two, they should rematch. Again resigned, Seokjin gives in, because it will be much quicker and have the same result.

“You’re predictable…” Seokjin tsks, baiting Taehyung, who is outraged and declares they won’t know what hit them next time. 

Sukjin drags them both over to peer into his camera.  
“What’s the strategy?” He asks, trying to look as dramatic as possible.  
“Tae’s going to do exactly the same thing, but go for your legs. You need to jump forward over the top and let her slide underneath. Just make sure you widen your legs so you don’t accidentally land on her. Then the two of us will deal with Ha Ha.” 

Sukjin looks extremely dubious at her words, but agrees to do it anyway.

Moving back into place, she ignores Tae sticking her tongue out and prepares for the signal. When it comes, she again moves to an inconvenient location for Tae while Sukjin stands right in place and taunts her.  
“Don’t try your same trick again!” he laughs. 

Seokjin, noticing Ha Ha moving towards her, does her best to look intimidated and innocent, batting her eyelashes at Ha Ha. She can imagine the post-production blush and floating love hearts as he pauses. 

Tae, enraged by Sukjin’s taunts, charges again, smirking as she thinks Sukjin won’t know what hit him. Seokjin can see her tells- Tae stretching out her hands as she prepares to slide forward. A stray thought occurs to her- Tae would be the first one in the water anyway, even if she manages to get Sukjin. She assumes they’re counting on Ha Ha overpowering Seokjin. Ignoring it, she watches him jump on cue, and she’s a bit impressed he’s managed to get that right. Tae slides right underneath with a blood-curdling howl of outrage, and Jaesuk begins laughing into the camera, no doubt commenting something terribly witty. 

 

_[The TV shows Park Jimin tagged as ‘The ever supporting friend’, earnestly shouting “You almost had him again!” which is blatantly untrue. It’s followed by a hilarious shot of Jeongguk mouthing “Seriously?” and looking incredulously at Jimin. Tae punches Jeongguk in the shoulder when she sees his sceptism.]_

 

Finally, feeling hounded, Ha Ha advances on her, pushing her backwards. Seokjin, counting on Ji Sukjin to be able to stay upright and not fall over, plays her last card, clinging like a limpet to Ha Ha as she goes over the side and knows she’s sealed the deal for Sukjin, even as she gets water up her nose and has to be fished out by the staff. 

By the time she drags herself out, no doubt looking considerably worse for wear (and thank goodness they always get waterproof makeup), she props herself up to follow the last round. 

For the last match, the abject humour with which Kim Jong Kook cheerfully disposes of Yoo Jae Suk and Hoseok is frightening. Seokjin watches avidly, knowing she needs to plan her way around this hurdle carefully. 

Luckily, they’ve already won what they need to, because there are two winning pairs. Unluckily, because they’re the devil, the Running Man production team are making them fight again. It’s over brutally quickly. 

“Are you nervous Unni?” Tae shouts out in good-natured spite. Jin ignores her, not holding out much hope as she and Sukjin stand (well, he cowers, really) before Jeongguk and Jong Kook. Kim Jong Kook toys with them for a moment, Jeongguk watching eagerly but warily, before Kim Jong Kook simply hoists Sukjin into the water, then turns to her. She’s fucked.

Time to use what nature gave her. Edging away from Kim Jong Kook nervously, she does her best to look terribly innocent, looking up at him from beneath her eyelashes and putting an intimidated look on. (This is not hard, because she’s awfully intimidated right now, even if he is super hot. She’ll be dreaming about this scene ending very differently later, but for now, she’s trying not to pee her pants.)

“Ah, please, Kim Jong Kook-sshi…” she pleads carefully, not afraid to use her feminine wiles. She even places one hand over her chest, right between her breasts, holding the other one out as if to ward off an evil attacker. Seokjin has practised the classic ‘innocent princess’ poses many times. 

“Don’t listen Hyung!” Jeongguk calls. Kim Jong Kook has paused in his onslaught though, and is looking guilty and frustrated. Seemingly tired of the apparent stalemate, Jeongguk begins edging towards her and seeing the action, Kim Jong Kook starts forward slowly as well, They’ve got her trapped in a pincer move and yeah, she’s totally fucked. 

“Oppa!” Seokjin tries and Kim Jong Kook stalls again slightly, but is still blocking her way and Jeongguk is closing in fast. 

“Jungkookie…” she tries slightly desperately, because she knows their maknae is 19 now but damn, when did he get so big? 

“Sorry Noona,” Jeongguk’s arms close around her waist and she shrieks a little instinctively. She tries to fight but his arms might as well be steel for all the give they have. Then he says something that she knows will have all the fangirls’ hearts going crazy. 

“Let’s go together Noona,” he says, and launches them both off of the side, the world tilting crazily before they plunge under. And really, it looks super romantic, but no one can be romantic when their little shit of a maknae has made them get water up their nose again. Seokjin spends a few minutes being decidedly unattractive as she hacks up half the pool water.

Still, the ending was clear. Double Jin and Kook2 go on as victors in the final round. The prize? Bells.

 

… 

 

Seokjin has heard the bell chase is terrifying, but as one of the chasing teams, she won’t need to experience that. She can’t even pretend to be upset about this, and Jeongguk has his ‘kid going to DISNEYLAND’ face on. That kid always brings out her mothering instincts- he can be so cute it should be illegal and it’s almost always when he doesn’t mean to be. She can’t help but cave when he pads up to her like a wet puppy, begging her forgiveness for his previous stunt.

When he’s being deliberate, he can be sexy and bring all the boys and the girls to the yard (and doesn’t Seokjin want to replicate that milkshake- she has her fans but not like Jeongguk at his smouldering best) but it’s when he’s not concentrating on being an idol that the last vestiges of his innocence show through. And really, that’s a pretty special thing in this industry. (It does help that elder line actively cockblocks maknae line as much as possible, especially when it’s people they don’t know. Maknae line are all of age now but that doesn’t mean the elder line aren’t being overprotective parents when they have the opportunity. That said, Seokjin’s ready to bet that Maknae line are finally ready to admit they’re all in crush with each other. She doesn't know if it’s love, but it’s definitely friendship, respect, loyalty and a shit tonne of lust.) 

“What are you grinning about?” Sukjin asks her, and she briefly imagines his reaction if she says ‘our impending maknae line threesome’. Yeah, that probably won’t go down well. So she says “Our victory”, with a sharp grin to the camera and Sukjin’s eyes light up as he leans in to hear the plan. 

“So, here’s how I think we should play it…” She’s aware she’ll look pretty stupid being so confident if they don’t do reasonably well, but there’s nothing for it now- she’s all in. 

“The first thing we need to do is let everyone split up. Then I’ll tell you the rest of the plan,” Seokjin says wisely, because Sukjin is ratshit at acting. Kim Jong Kook is already looking over suspiciously in their direction, as well as Kwang Soo, who is staring jealously, of the bells or Seokjin, she’s not sure. 

The staff tie the bells around their feet, and Seokjin shakes her leg experimentally, hearing an innocent sounding jingling. She looks up to see the Running Men’s expressions varying between amused/indulgent and vaguely concerned, but it’s Bangtan that she focuses on. Jeongguk’s eyes are lit up in glee as he points to Jimin and mouths ‘Coming for you’ and Jimin can’t give him the middle finger on national TV. Tae is pouting in jealousy, as she tells Ha Ha “We could have been great chasers,” in disappointment. (Seokjin’s seen Ha Ha in action and thinks this is a blatant lie.)

Yoongi is sort of looking around sedately, seemingly unconcerned at the turn of events, Namjoon is staring at Kim Jong Kook, eyes flickering back to Seokjin occasionally, mind clearly racing at a hundred miles per hour. J-Hope is listening carefully as Jaesuk imparts advice, and then Dong Wan FD indicates they should say their last words before they split.

Kim Jong Kook grins. 

“Look at that face!” Jaesuk announces to the camera, pointing at him, “that face is a symbol of terror!”

“Why did it have to be Kim Jong Kook?” Gary moans. 

“I didn’t understand fully before… not until he just picked me up and threw me in the water!” Namjoon informs them all earnestly, to laughter. 

“I’m coming for you, Jimin!” Jeongguk challenges boldly, but he just ends up looking cute enough that Seokjin wants to pinch his cheeks like an ahjumma. 

“Hey! Why me! And that’s Jimin-hyung to you!” Jimin stomps in outrage, and Jihyo giggles at their antics. 

“I too know what it is like to have these young ones being disrespectful,” Jaesuk says long-sufferingly into the camera. 

Kwang Soo and Kim Jong Kook snort. 

“Seriously?” Sukjin looks at them all, and everyone starts sniggering. 

“Yah, see what I have to put up with?” Sukjin turns to her, vaguely insulted, as Seokjin makes a conciliatory yet vague gesture that means nothing. 

Then the PDs signal and the first siren goes, everyone except the chasers running off. 

“So, what’s the plan?” Seokjin asks Kim Jong Kook. 

“Find them,” he grins rather terrifyingly. 

Sukjin shivers and mutters to his camera “Even though I’m chasing today, it’s still frightening.”

“We’ll contact you if we find anyone,” Seokjin informs Kim Jong Kook. Jeongguk is staring at his walkie talkie in bemusement, as if he can’t believe he’s really here. 

“Kookie, hwaiting!” Seokjin gently reminds him, and Sukjin and Kim Jong Kook stare at her until she realises. 

“Er, my Kookie,” she clarifies, to a series of “Ohhh”s and Jeongguk’s amusement as he stares between his Hyungs and her. 

“Thanks Noona! Fighting!” he grins back at her, and then their siren goes. 

 

… 

 

She drags Sukjin out and then pauses him when they’re sure they won’t be observed. Then she beckons one of the PDs over. 

“So… quick question…” she begins, Sukjin watching curiously. 

“Can we rip the tags from the chasers?” She asks carefully, and sees the PD grin, practically rubbing his hands together at the shitshow this will create. The cameras zoom in to catch Sukjin’s grin spreading across his face and she just hopes she’s able to reign him in. 

“Could we take out Team Kook2?” She clarifies again for maximum dramatic effect to the camera. 

The PD’s nod makes Sukjin’s day, and the first thing she utters to him is “Do not say anything about this. If they find out- we’re dead.” 

It takes a few more similar sentences (“Picture his face if he found out Sukjin,”) before she thinks it’s sunk in that subtlety is literally their only chance. 

“We need someone else to help us take out Kook2,” is the first thing she mentions. 

“They can’t rip the nametags…” Sukjin reminds them. 

“But if they could trap and hold Kim Jong Kook for us, we could rip the tag,” Seokjin counters, and again sees his pleased smile. 

“Who would do that though…” Sukjin mutters, and here’s where she has a solution. 

“V would,” she grins, because if Tae can’t be with Kim Jong Kook, she’d sure as hell appreciate a chance to take him down.

“And we could easily threaten Ha Ha… he’ll betray anyone,” Sukjin adds, and doesn’t appear to appreciate the irony in that statement. Seokjin subtly raises an eyebrow at her camera before turning back to him.

“So we need to catch and threaten them, make a deal, and then let Double Kook take out pretty much everyone else,” Seokjin decides. 

Sukjin begins laughing maniacally into his camera, with Seokjin warming to the role of villain, smirking into hers. 

“Wait… is that Kwang Soo…” Sukjin spots movement in the distance. 

“Probably. Let them go… they’re not a worry,” Seokjin grins and Sukjin chokes on her cavalier dismissal of team Rap Kwang.

“They’ll probably bump into us anyway, knowing their luck,” she predicts, and considering Sukjin has a mild soft spot for Kwang Soo, they wander off instead of attacking. She thinks her cameraman is giggling. 

Her unnaturally good fortune today dictates that they conveniently run into VHa pretty much immediately after that. VHa hasn’t seen them, so they kneel behind a bush discreetly.

“Shhh, let’s watch,” she suggests. Luckily, they’re too far away for the team to have heard the bells.

 

… 

_[The show switches perspectives._

_“Meanwhile… Alien Team VHa have landed on earth… unaware of the danger of its native inhabitants… the Running Men…” scrolls at the top of the screen as the camera focus switches to team VHa, who are standing in a relatively open courtyard, distracted and pulling faces at each other. The camera zooms past them briefly, a giant arrow appearing to where Double Jin are hiding in the bushes. VHa do not notice at all._

_“I come from outerspace!” declares Ha Ha loudly, coloured green by special effects, and V does an odd, jerky robot march slowly, a set of antennae on her head._  
“WITH MY POWERS… I WILL RULE THE EARTH!” He finishes, and both of them start holding up their hands, a glowing orb crackling with lightening appearing. Their hands start to shake slightly.  
“OH NO!” V shouts, “The inter-flibbitigirator is discharging!” she yells some more nonsense, and HA HA just takes his cue from her.  
“IT’S GOING TO EXPLODE!” She announces loudly, and they both jump to the side as an explosion appears on screen. 

_The cameras do a close up on Double Jin’s bemused ‘What the?’ faces.]_

 

… 

 

In the end, they take the two ‘aliens’ entirely by surprise. They’re so busy yelling at each other and making explosion noises that they don’t even hear the bells until they look up and Double Jin are there. Ha Ha is getting ready to bolt (and really, could Sukjin catch him?) when Seokjin steps in. 

“Wait!” she calls, and Ha Ha pauses warily, Tae’s eyes lighting up, intrigued. 

“We want to make a deal,” Seokjin offers, voice carrying clearly. 

“We’re listening, Jin-unni,” Tae grins, eyes sparkling at the intrigue. 

“Hey! We could get you out! At least show some fear…” Sukjin grumbles and Ha Ha snickers a bit. 

“We want your help. We’ll leave you until last… if you help us get out Kim Jong Kook,” Sukjin offers and VHa look at each other consideringly. 

“Or we could radio him now and tell him you’re here,” Seokjin offers innocently. 

“You’re a ballbuster unni!” Tae says vaguely appreciatively. Seokjin winces reflectively.

“Can you say that on national television?” Seokjin asks, turning to the cameraman who seems to have no idea, but assumes not. 

“I don’t think so…” Sukjin and Ha Ha snort a bit. 

“Oops?” Tae offers. 

“We’ll take your offer,” Ha Ha decides, and very cautiously, they all inch forward to shake on it. 

“Wait, does this mean we have to take out Jungkookie?” Tae pauses, twirling a strand of her hair in thought. Seokjin tenses, and they wait. 

“Hah. This will mean I can get back at him for the stunt he pulled earlier…” Tae grins menacingly, and Seokjin does not even want to know. 

“Here… take my radio, but keep it hidden. This way we can contact each other,” Seokjin hands over her radio, then considering, holds her hand out for Sukjin’s. 

“Hey!” He protests, but hands it over duly. Seokjin thinks her cameraman is snickering again. 

“We know who’s in charge!” Ha Ha choruses delightedly, saluting Seokjin. 

“Where were we…” Tae muses to Ha Ha. 

“SPACE COMMANDER! DEPART!” He makes a dramatic face, they both flail a bit and then he says to the camera, “Make sure we disappear for that one!” with a wink. 

 

…

 

_[“Meanwhile…” The subs read, as the screen zooms in on J-Hope and Jaesuk, currently engaged in a staring contest. Blinking red writing announces “…also entirely unaware of their surroundings…”._

_“Ugh,” J-Hope admits defeat, blinking, eyes watering furiously and too honest to try and lie._

_“I challenge you to a dance battle instead!” J-Hope announces with a bright grin to the camera, shaking his booty._

_Instead of responding, Jaesuk just tosses his head hilariously dramatically, acting snooty while he stands, getting into his pre-grasshopper pose. Then they both jump in horror as a loud “BANG!” echoes, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. But instead…_

_Kwang Soo’s signature ‘pitiful’ track comes on as he and Rap Monster sheepishly wander out._

_“Oh my god…” sighs J-Hope in an atrocious American accent, clearly relieved._

_“What are you two even doing?” laughs Jaesuk as the other two wander over awkwardly._

_“Just looking around,” Kwang Soo tries to play it cool, fooling no one._

_“RapMon, did you trip over something?” J-Hope asks, snickering, and RapMon’s face lights up bright red._

_Arrows on screen point to both of Rap Kwang, indicating ‘ Destruction twins‘ as the laughter track and Kwang Soo’s pitiful theme plays._

_“We should be safe- we saw Double Kook in the building… even if they see us, we’ll see them first and be able to run before they can hit the ground floor…” J-Hope explains._

_“What about Team Jin?” asks Rap Monster._

_“Ha ha. Oh. You’re serious? No one worries about Ji Sukjin,” Kwang Soo laughs._

_“Okay… round one dance comp…”_

 

… 

 

“Hey, where are you?” Seokjin hisses into the walkie talkies, hopeful she’s set it to the right channel. She’s relieved when it’s Tae’s voice answering, without hearing Jeonggukkie. 

“Um… We don’t really know,” Tae answers brightly. Seokjin can just picture her grin and forcibly holds in her exasperated sigh.

“How can you not know?” Sukjin asks in aggravation over her shoulder, unheard by the alien duo. 

“We are not lost!” declares Ha Ha boldly, progressively more dramatic with all of Tae’s ridiculous encouragement, “We just haven’t found where we are yet!” 

“Why did we pick them?” Sukjin mutters. After a few minutes, the walkie talkie comes to life and they hear voices. 

“…-DANCE BATTLE!” bursts out. Seokjin and Sukjin stare at the walkie talkie in consternation.

“That’s Jaesuk’s voice…” Sukjin looks at her, uncomprehending for a moment. 

“Hey guys, where are we?” Tae asks loudly. Seokjin grins at Sukjin. Oh, she’s good. They listen carefully head in their direction according to VHa’s clues, and hope the traitors have the good sense to get out of there. They’re just hearing Ha Ha’s “Catch you later!” over the walkie talkies when Seokjin switches their operating frequency. 

“Jeonggukkie?” Seokjin asks into the walkie talkie. 

“Yes Noona?” comes his reply. 

“We found some… come to the quadrangle… we’re waiting to the side so come to the passage entrance,” she instructs, and then they wait for the others to spring their trap. 

 

… 

 

Honestly, Seokjin’s luck has been _unbelievable_. VHA were too busy yelling to hear the bells… Double J are actually quietly playing music for a dance battle. 

“How are we going to do this?” Sukjin asks her as they watch Jaesuk bend over and stick his butt out before jiggling it ridiculously. 

“We won’t need to do anything. Kook2 will do it. We can technically be as useless as possible,” Seokjin informs him, planning to let Kook2 do all of the work. 

They watch as Hoseok begins thrusting into the camera before turning smoothly rolling his hips, showing off his behind to the camera. 

“They really paired them well,” Sukjin comments offhand, watching both Jaesuk and J-Hope wiggling their behinds. 

“Aptaedo choego, dwitaedo choego…” Seokjin sings to her camera quietly with a wink. What? It was iconic choreo. (Also, Jeongguk was ridiculously cutely reluctant when he slapped Jimin’s arse in the MV. Tae had wanted to do it- fought the good fight and then kept on fighting, but there was no way in hell Big Hit were signing off on the girl slapping the boys’ arse. It’d made it all the more ironic when they’d done the sexy concept.  
Tae had contented herself by groping Jimin at every opportunity she got in spite, which then spread to Seokjin and Yoongi whenever Manager-nim told her not to grope boys. Namjoon and Hoseok hadn’t been able to look Seokjin and Yoongi in the face for weeks after Tae had gotten particularly feisty with her hands and then muttered to them “You’re just jealous”.)

It’s when Jaesuk is pulling out the grasshopper move that the tinkling of bells signals Kook2’s arrival to Double Jin. They take a few seconds to observe, plan “go for Jaesuk first”, and then she sees Kim Jong Kook tensing, ready to run. Jeongguk’s eyes are narrowed, and rather than cute, his killer instinct has cut in. His focus is purely on Jaesuk as he dances across the space, face determined. 

“Ready?” Kim Jong Kook asks Jeongguk, ignoring Double Jin. 

“I was born ready Hyung-nim,” Jeongguk replies determinedly, and Seokjin stifles a giggle at his lame response. She sees Sukjin rolling his eyes at his camera. 

Without warning, Kim Jong Kook sprints out of the bushes, Jeongguk close on his heels. Seokjin, who startled at the sudden movement, is well behind and Sukjin may well be taking a jog in the park for all the speed he’s managing. 

It’s an absolute fiasco. 

Hoseok sees them and lets out an unearthly shriek, before turning around and running straight into Namjoon, bowling them both over. Jaesuk starts to run but has to turn back around to defend himself because Kook2 are on him, grabbing for his shirt. Kwang Soo is scuttling sideways in panic, but Sukjin still tries for him, moving towards him with that ever-present overconfident smirk. 

Seokjin has to decide who to try and get, and running over, reaches blindly for the pile of people trying to get up at her feet. Hoseok and Namjoon in their abject panic keep bumping each other over and as Namjoon finally makes it up, his leg trips Hoseok again. There’s a flash of a tag and Seokjin instinctively goes for it, grabbing it as Namjoon legs it out of there as fast as he can. 

“NO!” wails Hoseok as Seokjin grasps his nametag. Ironically, it’s Hoseok who does the most damage, trying desperately to twist out of her reach and actually resulting in ripping his own nametag off. 

“Noona how could you?” Hoseok practically wails and Seokjin feels terribly guilty. She knows the camera is zooming in on her stricken face. 

“Hoseok-ah… it was kind of instinctual…” she offers awkwardly, before seeing Kim Jong Kook hold Jaesuk immobile as Jeongguk rips off his nametag brutally. 

“J-HOPE, OUT. J-HOPE, OUT. YOO JAESUK, OUT. YOO JAESUK, OUT.” The speakers signal loudly, and she sees Kook2 look over at her in surprise. 

“You got him out?” Kim Jong Kook asks her, impressed. 

“I think he got himself out,” Seokjin looks down at him. 

“NOONA WAE?” Hoseok cries further at this too-honest blow, but she knows he’s just hamming his devastation up for the camera. 

Jeongguk is staring at Jaesuk’s tag blankly. 

“This isn’t over!” Jaesuk rants, Jeongguk looking up as if grasping that he just tore THE Yoo Jaesuk’s nametag. 

“My fans expect me to be in this for longer! How can I be out so quickly?!” Jaesuk demands to Kwon Ryul behind the camera. 

Kim Jong Kook blithely ignores him as Ji Sukjin wanders up. 

“Yah- you’re staring at my nametag like it’s the holy grail…” Jaesuk’s irritation breaks in the face of his amusement at Jeongguk, still staring avidly at the nametag he ripped. 

“You started out as a kitten, then became a tiger…. But now you’ve become a kitten again,” he tells Jeongguk and the camera, which is true, Jeonggukie’s back in his cute ‘delighted!’ phase. 

“He’s learning well,” Kim Jong Kook smirks proudly. 

“What a nightmare,” Jaesuk groans, and the camera zooms in on Jeongguk who gives a toothy grin of glee. 

“Hey Sukjin… I see you didn’t catch Kwang Soo?” grins Jaesuk tauntingly. Seokjin supresses a sigh at her partner’s uselessness. 

“At least I’m not out…” Sukjin retorts. 

“This is the worst,” Hoseok is telling his camera, earnestly glum, “the worst.” 

 

…

_[The camera shakes a little as it follows Gary and Suga, the first of whom takes of sprinting and the latter of whom breaks into a sigh, makes it twenty metres and then gives up and begins a lacklustre jog._

_“Uh, where do you want to go?” Gary slows down to match Suga’s speed._

_Suga wordlessly points to the top floor of the building ahead of them._

_“Okay,” Gary decides, before taking off in that direction._

_The camera focuses hilariously on Suga’s face as they walk up the stairs, with juggling writing showing “Unenthusiastic”. Her facial expression is best described as “so over this shit”._

_“Why up here?” Gary asks curiously, turning to look at her as they walk._

_“Whenever I want to hide from Bangtan I always go upstairs and they never find me,” Suga explains._

_“You must be pretty good,” Gary says, impressed._

_“Meh. It’s useful for when the maknae line are being annoying,” Suga shrugs._

_“Well, I can protect you if they come,” Gary offers awkwardly, the screen giving off little squiggles to convey the weird vibe. The subtitles read ‘Should be romantic but is just odd’._

_“Nah man even if they do manage to find us, independent woman and all that jazz,” Suga replies offhandedly._

_“Oh independent woman!” Gary breaks into a short rap, Suga chiming in for the next verse as they walk around the floor._

_“So… here?” Gary asks, looking around before finding a small niche in the wall._

_“Yep, looks good to me,” Suga agrees, before sliding down the wall.]_

_…_

_[The camera abruptly cuts to the chasing team._

_“Who next hyung-nim?” Jungkook asks Kim Jong Kook eagerly._

_“Go with Double Ga. They’ll be in the top level of the building,” Seokjin suggests, craning her neck to look upwards._

_“Did you see them?” Kim Jong Kook asks curiously._

_“Nah, Suga always hides upstairs when she doesn’t want to talk to us,” Seokjin informs him._

_“What? That’s where she is?!” J-Hope yelps at the same time Jungkook asks “How do you know?”_

_“Shouldn’t you be in jail already?” Sukjin mutters to J-Hope._

_“We’ll go look for the others and let you know when we find them,” Seokjin interrupts, and they split off._

_A short time later, the speaker blares “SUGA, OUT. SUGA, OUT.”_

_A slightly longer time later: “GARY, OUT. GARY, OUT.” ]_

_…_

_[Kwang Soo’s pitiful theme song is playing as the camera switches to team Rap Kwang, who are trying to shove themselves into a bank of tall lockers. Rap Monster is mostly inside looking horrifically uncomfortable, but Kwang Soo is nowhere near fitting in._

_“Hey, come help me shut the door,” Kwang Soo orders, and Rap Monster begins prying himself out of the tiny locker, stepping gingerly out and trying to shut the door on Kwang Soo._

_“Hyung, you’re too tall,” Rap Monster objects, trying to close the door as Kwang Soo howls about being squashed._

_Suddenly there’s an ominous thunk and Rap Monster freezes, looking at the camera._

_“What did you do?” Kwang Soo inches out of the locker, looking alarmed and laughing sheepishly._

_“What do you mean what did I do, I didn’t do anything!” Rap Monster also looks alarmed, looking towards their cameramen for support._

_“You wanted me to help you!” Rap Monster adds._

_“You were the one shutting the door!” Kwang Soo points at him. They look at each other and then the lockers._

_“Let’s get out of here,” Rap Monster mutters.]_

 

… 

 

Double Jin are on the move, haphazardly trailing Kook2 when Vha again come through for them on the walkie talkie. With a hiss, Seokjin covers it, trying to mute the sound, and abruptly pauses, hoping Kook2 didn’t hear. 

Both Kooks look back curiously. 

“Hit the wrong button!” Seokjin fakes a perplexed look, before shrugging down at the walkie-talkies. She doesn’t dare look at Sukjin, or look up. 

“Unbelievable,” Kim Jong Kook gestures to his camera. 

“We are working with the team who can’t even operate the walkie talkie!” he mutters, in a sort of good-natured exasperation. Seokjin pointedly doesn’t interject ‘Who was it who tore the first nametag again?’ but she’s not sure if it’s because she’s laying low or because she herself thinks it was a fluke. 

Ensuring the volume is down low and a suitable distance between them and Kook2, she turns the walkie talkie back on. 

“Jinnniiiiiiieee!” Taehyung is singing into it. 

“JinJinnieJinJin! Unnnniiiiii….” Taehyung continues. 

“Hey! I’m here. You almost blew our cover!” Seokjin says quietly. 

“Well how were we to know?” Tae points out quite reasonably. 

“Anyhow, we’re heading towards the quadrangle. Can you lure Jimin and Jihyo-unni there? Just make sure you either end up behind them or run by us. If Kookie catches you, you’re done for,” Seokjin explains. 

“It’s a dangerous game…” she hears Ha Ha being ridiculously over-dramatic again and turns off the walkie-talkie before Vha launch into another monologue. They’ve already heard quite enough today. (She wants to point out to Tae that it’s Shakespeare, not Shakespee, and contrary to previous declarations, they have not reached his level. She refrains.) 

It’s sort of sad to hear Jimin and Jihyo’s excited conversation with VHa when she turns the walkie-talkie back on. She can picture Jimin and Jihyo standing, Jimin excitedly bouncing from foot to foot as he gestures. 

“I wish we could take everyone out!” Jimin whines. 

“No you don’t… that’s hard too! Just wish for something easy…” Ha ha advises wisely. 

“Yeah, you don’t want to have to get Kim Jong Kook out!” Jihyo says, and Seokjin can just picture her incredulous face. 

“It would be cool!” Taehyung as ever, plays with danger. Sometimes Seokjin wonders about her- she’s always the one to try passing her finger through a flame and leave it there just a little too long. She bets in science she was the one trying to touch those static machines and then being surprised when she receives a shock. (And then doing it again, and again, and again.) 

Actually, Seokjin is willing to bet that if anyone in Bangtan were to be electrocuted from trying to pee on an electric fence, it’d be Jimin, but only because Taehyung convinced him to do it/ lacked the equipment to try conveniently herself. Seokjin makes a mental note to warn Jimin against this, just in case. He’s a sucker for Tae’s horrible ideas, whereas Jeongguk seems to have a healthy sense of self-preservation. 

“Cool- no way. Nuh uh uh uh,” Ha Ha sounds like he’s on the verge of a breakdown and Seokjin curses having to use someone so unreliable. 

“So… where are we?” comes Tae’s tried and tested betrayal line. Again, it works like a charm. Seokjin switches her walkie-talkie, radios Kook2, who for whatever reason, don’t question how Seokjin and Sukjin are finding all these teams and then they head over. 

“Hey, do we even need to be there?” Sukjin asks, clearly feeling lazy. Seokjin however, has a fairly well developed sense of personal responsibility. 

“We began this, we at least need to stand witness, even if we don’t strike the finishing blow ourselves,” Seokjin states simply. 

Sukjin stares at her. 

“I watched the first episode of Game of Thrones the other day,” she explains, because Ned Stark’s morals, although stupid in the TV show, resonated with her. It took forever to a) find the subbed version and then b) get the subbed version and then c) have time to watch the subbed version. She starts them moving and then thinks carefully, before deciding to narrate her thoughts to the camera. It is, after all, the nature of the game. 

“I don’t know why, but Park Jimin is the one I feel most guilty about,” Seokjin laughs nervously, glancing at the camera quickly. 

“I mean, he has this overjoyed innocence. Usually Jungkookie’s the one who has the innocent face, but with disappointment, he usually deals with it well and hides it calmly,” Seokjin considers. 

“He won’t take it to heart so much as Jimin. I mean J-Hope will also take things to heart, but he is a bit older, a bit more… uh, resilient I guess?” She says uncertainly. 

“Park Jimin pretends to be greasy, but wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s truly a passionate person,” Seokjin confides, betting that his fans will go through the roof when they see this. 

“Jungkookie is more guarded, and because of that, he weighs up carefully which things matter to him an prioritises. Jiminie can obsess over every small thing if you let him,” she acknowledges, not mentioning their concerns about his reaction to fan comments about his lack of abs. (And really, Seokjin thinks angrily, if those are the kinds of ‘fans’ he has, he’s better off without them. Of course, she can’t say that in public.) 

“Rap Mon can be a bit like that too, only with age he has learnt to prioritise. He wants nothing less than his best,” Seokjin muses. She doesn’t have much time left before it all goes down. 

“Suga is also very goal focussed- her priorities are not the dances, the videos- she just wants to focus on her rapping and be the best for the fans, you know?” 

“And V is… well, I am glad that we asked V to help us. If we got her out… well then her revenge would be scary…” Seokjin laughs, but she’s dead serious. V has enough bizarre, totally random creativity mixed with a healthy sense of vengeance to be a nightmare when she feels wronged. 

“What about you?” Sukjin asks curiously. 

“Me? I’m just the visual!” Seokjin laughs, well aware of her position. 

“Really? Not the brains?” Sukjin asks in apparent surprise. 

“Well, I’m definitely not the lead dancer or rapper, that’s for sure!” Seokjin laughs, knowing the fans will get a giggle out of this. It’s not like she can admit her singing isn’t so great on camera as a vocal either. It’s not terrible- most of the time it even sounds good, and she’s improving everyday, but she’ll never be on the scale of IU or Park Bom. Yes, there are definitely times when she feels out of place- not good enough for all the talent in Bangtan. As the netizens so helpfully commented, maybe as a boy she’d be pretty enough that she’d be something special. But K-pop has an abundance of pretty girls. Hopefully today she can prove to her antis that she’s not just good looks. 

Her face smooths into a look of determination and off they go. 

Double Jin charge in with Kook2, and while Kim Jong Kook holds Jihyo for Sukjin, Jeongguk and Seokjin grab Jimin. 

“No Jungkoookie! Seokjin-noona!” Jimin pleads, and damn he’s strong. He puts up a fight trying to sink to the ground and protect his nametag, but she’s grabbed one arm, Jeongguk has the other. Jeongguk’s already ripped the tag with his free hand, crowing and waving the torn tag in the air. 

“You’re the worst dongsaeng ever,” Jimin groans from the ground. 

“Park Jimin, Out,” Jeongguk says cockily into his camera. 

A few moments later, the speakers blare: “JIMIN, OUT. JIMIN, OUT.” 

They turn to Kim Jong Kook, who has his hands full with a fighting Jihyo. Sukjin is dancing around them uselessly, making himself a nuisance. 

“Yah, Jungkook, come and help me,” Kim Jong Kook invites to Jeongguk’s delight, casting an unimpressed look at Sukjin. Seokjin thinks he has to be acting up for the cameras. No one can be this incompetent, right? 

Regardless, Jungkook’s face is so determined as he rips Jihyo’s nametag, before bowing and apologising to his noona. 

After a moment, the staff come to take Jimin and Jihyo to jail, commenting idly as they go without protest. 

This leaves the chasers to instinctively start heading to the passage leading into the space. Seokjin doesn’t even have time to plot when they hear voices. Freezing, Seokjin sees the utter glee on Kook2’s faces at the accidental perfect set up. Because of the angles and the way the passage faces, Double Jin and Kook2 are hidden by the wall- it won’t be until Namjoon and Kwang Soo (because of course it’s Namjoon and Kwang Soo) are far too close that they see the danger. 

It’s over brutally quickly. 

“LEE KWANG SOO, OUT. LEE KWANG SOO, OUT. RAP MONSTER, OUT. RAP MONSTER, OUT.” 

 

…

 

_[The screen shows the couples sitting in jail, eating ice cream. Suga is looking around sleepily with tiny subtitled ‘zzzzzzzz’ above her head._

_“Ha, how did you stay in for so long Kwang Soo?” Jaesuk asks, and Gary snickers._

_“Hyung, it was awful,” Kwang Soo groans and Rap Monster shudders._

_“What happened?” Jimin asks, shocked and curious, and J-Hope sits up, intrigued._

_“We walked through this passage and they were lying in wait…” Rap Monster says, still pale from shock, subtitles labelling him as ‘looks like he’s been through a war zone’._

_“They must have planned it… all four of them were there,” Kwang Soo warms up to telling the story._

_“Where were you caught?” J-Hope asks._

_“In the courtyard near the first building,” Rap Monster answers._

_“Wait… that was where we were caught…” Jihyo looks puzzled._

_“Yeah we got caught like, 5 minutes before you…” Jimin says, not understanding the others’ reactions._

_“How could they have laid a trap then?” Gary asks, confused. Jaesuk starts laughing._

_“Yah, you idiots! They didn’t lay a trap for you- you walked straight into them!” Jaesuk, Gary and Jihyo start laughing helplessly, and Suga, J-Hope and Jimin can’t help giggling too at the look on Rap Monster and Kwang Soo’s faces._

_The screen rewinds until it replays Jin’s comment at the start of the bell chase:  
>_

_“Hyung, you walked right into them!” Jimin snickers, back in the present._

_“You got out before me!” retorts Rap Monster._

_“Least I didn’t get out first,” Jimin shrugs._

_“Hey!” J-Hope pouts, pretending to be injured._

_“At least you didn’t lead your team mate into a terrible hiding spot,” Gary adds, with a significant look in Suga’s direction._

_“Hey… is she even awake?” Kwang Soo asks._

_Suga cracks open an eye, before seeming to shift back into sleep._

_“Wow, she’s more blank than Jihyo,” Jaesuk comments, before turning the discussion back onto how VHa will go down. ]_

 

… 

 

Now the time comes to tackle he-who-must-not-be-named (Kim Jong Kook), it’s clear everyone is all shit-scared. Seokin calls VHa, and then Tae watches as everyone else paces nervously and try not to pee themselves. 

“How are we even going to do this?” Ha Ha looks in Seokjin’s general direction, who winces. It’s a bad time to be running out of ideas. 

“I thought you had a plan!” Sukjin chides as Ha Ha mades a “mental breakdown face”. 

“C’mon, we charge ‘em!” Tae yells. Literally everyone else stops and stares at her. 

“Okay, so we have to separate them or it’s too dangerous,” Seokjin muses, planning. 

“Yeah, no offense Sukjin-sshi but I don’t think you could hold Jungkookie on your own and we need all hands on deck for Kim Jong Kook,” Tae analyses Sukjin mercilessly. He tries to look offended but really, she’s right. Jeongguk has been hitting the gym with Jimin and Hoseok and it shows. 

“So how do we separate them? And who do we go for first?” Tae asks. Honestly, it would have made her job a lot easier if she’d been paired with Taehyung rather than Seokjin. She hopes that the show points this out. Especially since Ha Ha appears to be ranting to his camera about how he must be crazy. 

“I guess if we pick a location, explain that we’ve split up and ask them to meet us at each of the places? But really, we lure Kim Jong Kook to where all four of us are waiting.” Seokjin muses. 

“Not Jungkook?” Sukjin clearly wants to delay attacking Kim Jong Kook. 

“We need the element of surprise. Kim Jong Kook has to go first,” Seokjin decides. While Ha Ha is off monologuing, Seokjin sidles up to Tae. 

“The minute Jungkook goes, Ha Ha needs to go. Then you’ll be the last player alive,” Seokjin offers. 

“What do I get for it?” Taehyung asks, considering. 

“Well for one, we already left you alive…” Seokjin begins. 

“But I’ll also make you dinner for a week. Whatever you want,” Seokjin wheedles, trying to wrap it up quickly before Ha Ha realises he’s being betrayed. Sukjin looks amused. 

“Need to do better than that Unni…” Tae grins. Little extortionist. 

“Massages every day for a week, bragging rights about Running Man and my shower slot,” Seokjin offers somewhat desperately, seeing Ha Ha headed towards them. 

“Done,” says Tae, and winks at Seokjin and her camera. 

Seokjin decides it’s too late now to wonder if it was worth all that just for a TV show game.

They walk to an area near the entrance, planning quickly, hashing out the last details. Then she takes a deep breath, trying to center herself. 

“We are go,” Seokjin says grimly, before Seokjin and Sukjin grab the walkie talkies. 

“We found VHA!” Sukjin yells. 

“Where?” Comes Kim Jong Kook’s voice, crackling into the air. 

“They’re splitting off- we’ll follow them just wait…” Seokjin says this while jogging on the spot so her voice sounds appropriately breathy. 

“Kim Jong Kook, Ha Ha is going to the foyer near the entrance area… meet me there…” Sukjin pants. 

“Jungkookie, can you back me up? Tae’s zooming off to the other side… meet me around there,” Seokjin suggests, and receives a “On my way noona!” in reply. She turns to her camera. 

“For a split second, I felt bad, but now all I feel is nervous,” she admits. 

“YOU feel nervous?!” Ha Ha complains and she and Tae meld into the shadows. 

“Remember, draw him in close. We can’t let him run away or we’re all gone,” Seokjin reminds quietly. Ha Ha doesn’t need to feign his panic when he hears another set of bells. Kim Jong Kook has entered the building. 

Seokjin feels the adrenaline spike through her system, as much as any concert, and watches as Sukjin pretty much falls to pieces. She has to will herself to move.

“Hey! What are you doing?” Kim Jong Kook yells at Sukjin as he goes for Ha Ha. Ha Ha lets off a sound Seokjin can only describe as a squeal, and then Tae runs out. 

“I’ll save you!” she says to Ha Ha. Kim Jong Kook actually pauses, confused, as she runs towards him. It’s probably the first time this has ever happened to him. 

“Leave Ha Ha alone!” Tae rants. She begins positioning herself so Kim Jong Kook has his back to Sukjin and frantically, Seokjin signals Ha Ha and Sukjin to get their shit together. It’s then that she steps out and simultaneously, they’re on him. 

“Yah! What’s going on!” Kim Jong Kook yells, and he’s so strong even with four of them (Tae latched on to his feet to try and limit his movement, Ha Ha and Double Jin on an arm each) they can’t actually get hold of his tag. 

“Hey!” he yells again. That’s when Seokjin plays really dirty. 

“Ouch!” Seokjin yelps, high pitched, the epitome of distress. 

Kim Jong Kook freezes. This is lucky because Ha Ha and Sukjin also freeze. 

In the sudden quiet, the sound of his nametag tearing seems incredibly loud. 

“Yeah boi!” Tae screams from the floor, still curled around his legs. 

Kim Jong Kook stares at Seokjin in abject, shocked betrayal.

“You can probably move now,” Seokjin finds her voice enough to remind Ha Ha and Sukjin that they actually can move away. They do so, numbly. Kim Jong Kook is still too surprised to react. 

“V, let go of his legs,” Seokjin mutters, knowing that Tae is extremely reluctant to do so. (In fact, she kind of looks like she wants to lick them? And Seokjin can absolutely understand Kim Jong Kook’s appeal- is going to fantasize about it with Tae later for sure- but licking his legs on camera is a big no no.) 

Taehyung sighs grumpily, before relinquishing his legs with a final pat (Kim Jong Kook doesn’t seem to notice, still glaring accusingly at Seokjin as the staff come in to escort him away). 

“KIM JONG KOOK, OUT. KIM JONG KOOK, OUT.” 

The icing on the cake is that Kim Jong Kook hears her on the walkie talkie engineering another betrayal: 

“Jungkookie, what the hell happened?! What’s going on?” She pants into the walkie talkie. Kim Jong Kook sends her one last stunned glance before he’s towed away. 

“Noona, I don’t know! Where are you?” Jeongguk is understandably, quite confused and alarmed. 

“I lost Tae, so I started to walk over. I will head to the foyer. Meet you there?” She suggests, having no intention of moving. 

‘That’s cold,’ Tae mouths from her position on the floor. 

“Sure. Be careful noona,” Jeongguk actually sounds concerned for her, poor babe. 

It’s over mercifully quickly- Jeongguk doesn’t know to suspect her, and upon seeing her standing in the middle of the foyer, walks right in without checking his surroundings properly. Tae launches herself from behind the door, Ha Ha steps in (Sukjin is about as much use as usual) and this time it’s Jeongguk staring at her in shock, nametag-less. 

“What the-” Seokjin interrupts him before he can finish that sentence. It’s for the best. 

“At least you got Jimin out Maknae!” Tae chirps. 

“You…” Jeongguk begins, but Tae’s looking at Seokjin meaningfully, then spinning into action, latching on to Ha Ha. 

“WAIT! What?!” Ha Ha cries, but Seokjin’s on him, grabbing his other arm. 

“GET OVER HERE OPPA!” Seokjin yells, grinding her teeth as she has to hold Ha Ha in place. 

Sukjin finally does something useful, managing after three tries (Three, really? Does he not actually do this regularly?!) to tear Ha Ha’s nametag while Jeongguk watches, eyes like saucers. 

“Noona… you’re merciless,” Jeongguk says, amazed, in the general direction of both Tae and Seokjin. 

“Yeah,” Sukjin nods, looking like he wants to inch away from them. 

“You traitors!” Ha Ha wails. 

“Really man? Really?” Tae asks him. 

“Well Tae?” Seokjin asks her. She can see the light of consideration in Taehyung’s face. 

“Can you be bothered running? All deals are off if you do,” Seokjin flat out states. 

Tae considers it for a moment more. 

“Nah, I think I’ve had my glory. I want Seokjin-unni to remove it though. She’s much more badass,” Tae adds, to Sukjin’s offence. 

With a final ripping sound, they trudge back to the jail, ready for the end of the show. 

 

… 

 

_[BTS are clustered together in the dorm with Manager-nim, eagerly watching their Running Man episode. This close to the end of their schedules, their diet has even been suspended enough to allow popcorn._

_They watch as the cuts show all the action, before focussing on the two Jins. “Henchman Sukjin” and “Cunning Seokjin”/“Ambitious Seokjin” label them, as they watch Seokjin whisper into the camera and plot with Sukjin._

_“Oh my god!” Namjoon says loudly as the scenes of Seokjin making her predictions about BTS’ actions and all her plans are revealed._

_“Noona I feel so betrayed!” Jimin looks at her, wounded._

_“I always knew you had it in you,” Taehyung, is super satisfied. Of course, the events were hardly a complete surprise to her._

_“You came off really well, unni,” Yoongi says, quietly impressed. Seokjin flushes bright red, and Hobi pats her on the thigh._

_“Tae! You too! From the start?” Jimin groans as they see the secret deal. He’d known- they’d all known because they’d had a blow-by-blow verbal description, but there’s just something about seeing it on screen that makes it more real._

_“I’ll never forgive you!” Namjoon is betrayed in general, but that might be because Rap Kwang are so comically incompetent that BTS laugh every time they’re even on screen. Running Man post-prod has even included a scene of Kwang Soo almost entering the ladies’ toilets and Namjoon hastily pulling him back._

_“Wait… but we got medals… does this mean it was a bluff?” Jimin stares at Seokjin in outright horror, no doubt remembering the episodes where cast members thought they’d won right up until broadcast. He’s actually wearing his medal, clutching it to his chest as if someone will take it away. He’s so cute. All eyes swing to her._

_“Watch it and find out!” she insists infuriatingly, and thinks that being the oldest is the only thing that saves her from being put in a headlock.]_

 

… 

 

As the last survivors, the PDs lead them into a separate room and then put a choice to them. 

“Ji Sukjin and Kim Seokjin, you have to choose between the shared prize of Running Man medals for every player or $1000 in prize money. If you select the prize money, you will get $1000 each.” The PD announces. 

Seokjin is floored. She can literally see the greed on Sukjin’s face as he begins to cackle insanely. She recalls the members’ abject excitement about Running Man, but then she thinks of everything she could buy with $1000. It’s a lot of money for a new Idol.

“When you move forward, press the red button for the money or the green button for the medals,” the PD explains, and Seokjin turns to Sukjin with a grin. 

“We’ve done it!” She grins triumphantly, feeling the camera zoom in on her face. Sukjin, seeing where she’s headed with this, grins. 

“Do you know how many lunches I can buy with this?” She grins and taking the signal for what it is, Sukjin begins yet again to laugh maniacally with her. The only difference is… this time she laughs too. 

“MUHAHAHAHA!” They laugh for quite a ridiculously long time, ensuring the cameras get them from multiple angles. Then they do an exaggerated high five and laugh some more. 

“May I?” Seokjin rubs her hands together in anticipation, and Sukjin turns back to the camera, readying his triumphant pose. She walks towards the two buttons, stalking dramatically to them before making a big show of lifting her hand. 

“Running Man Bangtan: Sukjin and Seokjin win,” She announces, then asks dramatically “…are you ready?” 

 

…

 

Seokjin turns to the camera, eyes glinting as she prepares to lower her hand, and the PDs are building up the tension with the background music. 

She begins to lower her hand, trajectory on course for the red button as Sukjin’s smile grows wider. 

“I’m sorry, Sukjin-sshi,” she apologises quietly, directly to the camera with an odd smile. At the last second, she reaches for the green button, pressing it down firmly. Ji Sukjin’s jaw drops in horror as the door opens to let in the others, crowding around excitedly, thrilled to be getting the medals. 

Hoseok’s jumping up and down giggling, Jeongguk’s forgotten the betrayal in the delight at the medal, Jimin is grinning from ear to ear and Tae is looking at Seokjin with a soft smile, shaking her head like she knows Seokjin just blew $1000 for these pabos. The Running Man team are looking on fondly, probably amused at BTS’ abject excitement.

“Sorry Sukjin-sshi,” she repeats to her camera as Sukjin glares at the cheap medal around his neck.

“My number one team will always be BTS.”

…

_[As Bangtan shower her with hugs, she thinks it was 100% worth it.]_

**Author's Note:**

> Awwww. Jin. So it ended up being attempted devious Jin! But really super softy! Jin. Jin was always my least fave, but he’s growing on me, like a gentle fungus. (Also I was never a J-Hope fan but he too is growing on me. It’s all the thrusting. I like me a classy thruster. Jimin is my #1 tho.) 
> 
> So I basically watched “Spy” about 2 months ago right before I started this and was probably legitimately the only person in the audience who was like “HOLY SHIT VERKA SERDUCHKA MY LIFE IS COMPLETE THIS IS AMAZING” and everyone else was like who/what? 
> 
> Anyway, all that violence and comedy made me think of … RUNNING MAN! Then there was Seokjin v Namjoon POV and the only reason I chose Seokjin was because first of all I thought I’d be too over the top/not funny with too much Namjoon body humour in this (bit tired/ obvious) and then I was like 2xdeviousJins how could I not? I nearly added an extra scene (those games where partners have to guess what they’re acting out…) but this was already long enough as it was!
> 
> Side note: I miss enthusiastic! Joong Ki so much. Also, Rap Moon is a thing of dreams. I sometimes think I could subsist on only belligerent Rap Moon forever. This of course, is blatantly incorrect because, pizza.
> 
> Regarding the recent colourist/Rap Mon incident more on my Tumblr, but cliff notes, I am pro-apology.
> 
> Dedicated to my sister, who helped in the planning of this. Shout out to Legs Akimbo, 1/4 th of our Lee Jung Hyun cover group BoBo. Don’t be too ashamed bro- it’s only downhill from here you fellow creepy BTS FF skeeze. 
> 
> Also I SAW BTS LIVE IN MELBOURNE. IT WAS AMAZING. SO AMAZING. I SCREAMED UNTIL MY THROAT WAS LIKE GRATED CHEESE. THEN I KEPT SCREAMING. 
> 
> For the visuals, please find the images on my Tumblr (direct links on my AO3 Profile).
> 
> The planning and writing for this one was definitely one of the most epic. So if you liked it, show me some love! (Dare I say ‘Show me some suga’?!)
> 
> xx


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